Have fun with your spouse!
I remember this #tbt moment like it was yesterday! It was last September at the Bad Boy Reunion tour in Miami. This trip was a much needed break. I remember being so excited, so ready to break away. It was also a little anxiety provoking. I wondered what we would do with all this time together. How would we interact? Would we still be able to connect? We had become like strangers...well really... more like business partners in our "life work" together. The answer was to HAVE FUN!
With the hubby running a growing business + motivational speaking and with me in grad school + inundated with maintaining our home and managing the boys, we seldom get to sit down. You know how hard it is just to get a moment ALONE?! We cross paths and usually just have enough time to chat about what our schedules will look like for the day. We see each other to swap kids on our way in or out of the house. He gets up before I do to go to the gym. I get in after class and he is already in bed. We are in the same space but not present with each other most of the time. This is the nature of the beast! Running an efficient home (financially, emotionally, and spiritually) while maintaining our sanity is a huge task. The responsibility of balancing marriage, work, and kids can become overwhelming for any couple no matter what the structure of your household is!
For most of us, before we know it the “busy-ness” of the day turns into weeks and months...
The most awful part about this is, at times, you can forget why you chose your spouse. What brought us together in the first place? Why am I married to you? Do I even like you? It's a hard truth that is kept secret too often. When everything (besides fun) becomes a priority, all work and no play makes husband and wife ANGRY!
The bad news: If you aren't careful, this can lead to resentment, bitterness, and regret.
The good news in most cases: All you need is FUN WITH YOUR SPOUSE! It's time to date again.
What does fun look like to you? It is different for all of us, but two things must be in place in order to qualify...
1. No talk of responsibilities! This may be the most difficult part about having fun at first. Our first instinct when we have a date day/night is to get down to business. Let's talk about pressing issues that must be discussed since we have some time together. NO! Fight the urge to discuss those matters. Have a family meeting for that (future post). Fun time is a time to build memories; do something that you both love or try something new. Whether it's a big to-do or a small something you get the opportunity to enjoy each other.
2. No children allowed! Family fun is one thing, having fun with your spouse is another. The kids are the main focus most of the time... trust me, I get it. My brain is constantly processing what they need to do, what plans I will make for them, their transportation, their food, their needs. The kids are the LAST thing you should include in your time of fun with your spouse. Sidebar: Most men will not openly admit that they feel in competition with their children for their wives attention (love). We invest all of our emotional energy, positivity, encouragement, and fun time into our kids. If what we offer our husband is whatever we have left, thats usually not enough (and its not fair)!
Plan ahead. Put money aside. Contact a babysitter, family member, or friend. Put it on your calendar. THIS. IS. NOT. EASY. Creating time for fun is a discipline and it must be practiced. Make it a point to have some fun with your spouse before the month is out. You may find yourself liking (and even falling in love with) them again!