You're experiencing a test of WILL ...not skill!
It's 11:08 pm and I am exhausted but determined to get this post written. It's been a long time since I've shared some written reflection with you. There's been so much happening since my last blog post!
Tomorrow, I embark on a new phase of life! It is my first day of internship... I get to put all of the learning and accumulated skillset from the last two years to the test with a full case-load of clients. This kicks off the beginning of my final year of graduate school and I am elated to be so close to the finish line. This, like every other semester has already presented me with scheduling conflicts concerning these three beautiful boys of mine. It has stirred up tons of worry about where they will go to camp, who will pick them up from school next academic year? Will they feel abandoned because I am no longer home full time? Will they get their homework done...will I get my homework done? How can I contribute to the funding of all the travel and childcare? When will I sleep? I'm going to miss every music department rehearsal at my church. There is no social life in sight. Im burnt out just thinking about all these considerations.
With every major life transition there comes varying levels of discomfort, frustration, and anxiety due to the uncertainty of what's to come.
You don't have to be a graduate student to relate. No matter what your walk of life, your age, race, or class there has been a time when you transitioned from one phase to another. Be it a great leap or a small step the process is almost identical. If you're like me you weave in and out of confidence and self-doubt... going back and forth between trusting the process (having faith) and freaking t.f. out because the weight of responsibility is too much to bear.
You will encounter circumstances and demands that are beyond your control. You will be forced to compromise and adjust. You'll be stretched beyond your limits and may be pulled in many directions. It won't be easy! Not because you do not have the skill, but because your will is whats being tested.
You've been groomed for the journey you are about to embark on. You have the life training of firsthand experience, perhaps you also have the education, certificates, coaching, lessons, and the like. You might have been expecting this moment for a long time and think that the transition will be smooth because of the years of preparation. Be confident in your skills! They're whats gotten you to this point. But do not be deceived, your preparedness does not mean it will be easy!
In the testing of our will, we have an opportunity to reflect upon
- our commitment to execute
- the integrity of our word
- our dedication to the process in spite of emotions
That's where I'm at. I know I am qualified, I know I am worthy, and I am confident in God that He would not bring me here to embarrass or forsake me. Yet and still in spite of all those wonderful declarations... I know I am being tested!
My prayer for all of us is that God's will be done through our will to persevere! Stay committed. You're closer to the finish line than you think. You will pass the test!